When we women are little girls, we often have a best friend. Another girl we can tell anything to without judgment. Together, we share secrets and play whatever fun game our imaginations create. But something slowly changes . . .
As we get a little older, we start to believe that girls are not our friends. Instead, we see other girls as mean and conniving. Why? Because we’re taught to be in competition with each other. Because we’re taught that the best way to good about ourselves is to tear other girls down. And as we enter into adulthood, we full on believe women are drama and friendships with other women are nothing short of impossible.
If you can relate to this, you’re not alone. We women all buy into this bullshit at some point in our lives. So today, on Galentine’s Day, I want to share why it’s so important–necessary, even–to have female friendships.
Why Female Friendships Are Important
Friendships in general are beneficial to your health. A 2010 study at Brigham Young University found that healthy relationships improve our odds of survival by 50 percent.
That same study found that not having a close social network is the equivalent of smoking 15 cigarettes a day. In fact, researchers think that the 50 percent increase in survival may underestimate the benefit of healthy social connections.
While women can be friends with men, female friendships are different.
1. Female Friendships Help You Feel Supported.
In 2015, I went through a divorce. I had been in a 10-year emotionally abusive marriage. Because I had been controlled and manipulated for so long, I had lost my identity. And even though the marriage was over, the abuse didn’t just stop. My ex-husband still tried to control me through fear. Fear of retaliation and fear of punishment.
One thing that got me through this challenging time was having close female friends. We women often have so many shared experiences, regardless of our age. I imagine many of you reading my story felt like I was telling your story.
When we have other women who can relate, we no longer feel alone. Instead, we feel seen and supported. This is because women will listen, hold space for our emotions, and nurture and uplift our spirits.
2. Female Friendships Remind You That You’re Not Alone
We women go through so many changes throughout our lives. We menstruate, get pregnant and give birth (or choose not to have children), go through menopause, all things that change our bodies as we know them. We can lose sleep, have mood swings, feel foggy and forgetful, and even anxious or depressed.
These changes can leave us feeling less like ourselves.And that can feel really isolating. If you’re like me, you probably grew up with a mom who didn’t talk about these changes. For my mom and the women before her, menopause was suffered in silence.
Having female friendships where you can openly talk about these changes reminds you that you are not alone. It also normalizes these natural changes that have been made secret in the past.
3. Female Friendships Make You Stronger.
We women are badasses! I don’t think we realize just how much power we possess. It’s hard to know when society is constantly telling us that we are the weaker sex, that our emotions make us weak and crazy. We aren’t weak or crazy. We are in tune with our emotions and our intuition. Our ability to be vulnerable and ask for help is a strength!
If you have forgotten how strong we women are, just hang around other women. We are even stronger when we band together. (Like if you ever need help carrying your dog back down to the trailhead.)
Your female friends will be your biggest cheerleaders. They will remind you of your strength when you are feeling down, and their confidence in you will instill confidence in yourself.
And, we can trust our female friends to give their honest, sincere advice, should we ask for it. As I said earlier, women are good at listening and holding space, so they hear us out before offering feedback.
If after reading all that you’re thinking, That doesn’t sound like my female friends, then let me say this. People can only meet you as far as they can meet themselves. How someone treats you has more to do with how they feel about themselves and less with how they feel about you. And it is definitely not a representation of women across the board.
So, if you’re looking for a group of empathetic, supportive, and accepting women who will listen, cheer you on, and lift you up, I might know a group . . .
