Did you know that only 9-12% of people actually keep their New Year’s resolutions? When I first heard that, I was a little shocked… then it all started making sense.

You see, resolutions often carry this heavy weight that tells us we’re not doing enough and that we need to figure out what to do this year to “fix” ourselves.

The guilt of not doing enough and the shame of failing year after year can weigh on us and bring us down. And every time we think about our resolution, we think about how we are not good enough yet. No wonder we leave them in the dust!

Resolutions often go like this:

  1. I’m not healthy enough
  2. My stomach is too squishy
  3. To be better, I will need to eat better, move more
  4. Resolution: Be healthier

It’s a bit vague. (What does “be healthier” even mean?!) And it’s also something that allows us to heap on the shame and guilt. We end up sending ourselves this message: I’m not enough while also being too much so I need to do more.

Rethinking New Year’s Resolutions

BUT! What if we ditched the resolutions and instead decided to add more pleasure to our lives?

You see many of the systems women exist within tell us that we need to give, serve, and give some more.  We end up burned out, stressed, and anxious. That doesn’t serve us!

Let’s make this the year that we stand fully in ourselves, realize we deserve ease and abundance, and make some plans based on that!

How do we do that? By create self-loving goals that bring joy, pleasure, or abundance (not shame and guilt). Let’s reframe our original resolution: to be healthier.

Self-Loving Goal:  I love backpacking.  I want to go backpacking this year.  What can I do to make it more enjoyable?

  1. Set the goal that brings pleasure, joy, or abundance: Go backpacking with friends in May
  2. Think about a way to make your goal more enjoyable: Find a plan that works to build strength
  3. Think about a way to make your goal more fun: Find a friend to go with me to workout (new gyms can be scary and having a friend means we are less likely to avoid it)
  4. Think in terms of abundance: Post a photo on your bathroom mirror of the place you are backpacking. This reminds you what you are ADDING to your life. Our brains are not fans of deprivation.

You see, this is how you add something to your life that brings pleasure (nature, friends, new challenge). Not by focusing on taking something away (food, weight)! One is based in shame and the other celebrates what brings you joy.

What life giving goal can you add to your life this year? Tell me in the comments below.

Besides being an ambassador, Melissa helps women live unapologetically and turn their “midlife crisis” into a badass life. To learn more about what she does, visit her website.